Let's try this..one. more. time.

So. it's like 5 months since I've last posted on this here blog...and lots is new. This is probably going to be a bittersweet post, so stick with me!

When I last wrote..I had just moved in with Gary (my boyfriend of 3 years) and had a cute craft room, had just started my new job at the Health Center, after leaving my comfy cozy job at the doctors office after 4.5 years.

Fast forward to about 2 months ago..
In January, I got laid off. Totally unexpected..state budget cuts..low man on the totem pole, you know the drill.

Then in April, I had been cleaning the bathroom, and came across a pile of cleaning rags that were usually kept underneath the kitchen sink..stashed in the bottom of the cubby hole in our bathroom. I thought that was odd, but I've been known to do crazy stuff, without thinking..so I went ahead and started pulling them out..figuring I'd wash them and put them where they belong.
Until a camera fell out.
Without going into too much completely humiliating detail-Gary had been taping our bathroom for months. And when I say taping our bathroom..I mean the toilet. It was a tiny little hidden camera that he had rigged up directly across from the toilet..and when I took it out and watched the tape that was in it..it was him, every day, religiously setting it up, taking it down, etc. He put it up before work, took it down after work. Ugh.
So I started to flip out. Like, flip shit. Like, total what-the-fuck-are-you-thinking type flip out. I decided I wasn't going to tell him I found it..I was just going to confront him after work.
I continued to clean, only this time with more force than necessary as my Irish temper was aflare.
Fast forward 2 hours.
vacuuming with our huge ghetto vacuum, and the head of it slams into the dresser in the bedroom. *insert noise of things falling here*
I look down under the dresser to see what fell..and that's when I saw them.
Tapes.
Lots of them.
And 2 camera batteries.
Duct taped to the bottom corners of the dresser. Apparently..I disrupted his stash, sending them all to the floor. I sat on the bed, playing 1 tape at a time, as I watched days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into over a year, of Gary taping our apartment..and even his old apartment where I used to stay when we first met. There was a tape of his best friends bathroom, who lives in Rhode Island. It was all so overwhelming. I can honestly say I've never felt such shock, disgust, and pain like that. But the worst pain was when I put a tape in..and saw our bedroom. And I saw woman, after woman, after woman, in my bed, WHERE I SLEPT, with Gary. Those sex tapes would have made Paris Hilton blush. There had to have been 20+ women. Now..my question is...as a woman..I wonder what you think when you lay in a bed, with PINK SHEETS, and get ready to get your groove on, with a dude who has a picture of him and some chick all over the bedroom. Seriously? Ugh.

Anyway. I wont go into any more detail on that. Wicked long story-as short as I can make it- I gathered up all the tapes, and the camera, etc..and went to work. I was a total trooper. I came to work here at the store, put on my happy face, and had 6 long hours to think about what I was going to do. I went to the state police after work that day.
I actually CANT tell the details of what happened there..but I can tell you he was arrested.
When the police came to the apartment with me after they arrested him, I signed a search warrant, and wanted to find more tapes. Upon entering the apartment..he had torn the bathroom to crap..as I assumed he found I moved the camera...and there was a loaded AK47 on the table.
On the bed there was a loaded AR19.
He was also charged with 3 counts of possesion of illegal assault weapons. Later that night "Off the record" he did admit to someone that he was very angry, and was going to hurt me when I got home.

Most of you will recall Gary was an avid hunter, and a has a long string of butt-sucking crazies in his family.
Insert restraining order here.
Insert end of hunting career here.

As of June 2009, he is never allowed to own another gun of any kind. ever.

Needless to say I moved back home with the family. This came as a huge shock to everyone, and I'm pretty much kept under lock and key now. Most days I go to work with a collar and leash. There was an article in the paper. That sucked. It was online too. That sucked more. This whole ordeal has been very hard for me, for obvious reasons. I've done really well holding it all together. I gotta tell ya though...I'm still not sure how one picks up the pieces of their ENTIRE life..and moves forward after something like this.

But I have. This took place about 2 months ago..I've dealt. I've mourned. and I've moved on. I lost my scrapbook room at the apartment when I moved, which SUCKS..but I've got a folding table and a little corner in my bedroom with the parentals that works for now. I have certainly learned who my real friends are throughout all this as well...and if you're reading this..you're one of them..and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's been a long, hard road...but I'm getting there.

Wednesday is court. He gets sentenced at 9am. I have to be there. I fear seeing him. I fear facing his family. I fear having to speak to the judge infront of them, and telling my story for the 800th time. I fear them wanting to "show evidence" and having to see all those woman. Having to see myself. (Let me tell you, sitting on the toilet? NOT MY BEST ANGLE!) But..I will just pray, and keep faith, and stay strong, and get on through it.


So. That's that. Hopefully now I can get my life on track..and this will become more regular.
The blog, that is.
Not the drama.