It's officially been one year...

..since I came forward, turned my world upside down, hit rock bottom, came forward & public about the abuse going on in my life, and ended the cycle. It's officially been one year since I faced you-a guy who supposedly loved me, who I lived with for two years, who I trusted-in court. It's officially been one year since the State Police, FBI gun squad, and local police turned our entire apartment, and my entire life, inside out. It's been one year, since my father had to come help me pack my apartment at 2am, with the police bagging guns, cameras, tapes, computers, etc that I didn't even knew you HAD. Since I saw myself on tape, in the most private, intimate ways. Since I thought going to the bathroom in my own apartment, was safe. Since because of you, I sat in court shaking, crying, and nauseous, as myself, the judge, my family, and people I've never even met before-watched the evidence and tapes of me, in all my intimacy. Since because of you, I now seek psychiatric help, just to go to the bathroom somewhere other than home.
It's been one year since the very same day I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I left the doctors office and had to go to another appointment...at the Victim's Advocate office.
It's been one year since I said no more. Since I stood up for myself. Since I took a step to protect the next girl....
since you were arrested.

and I've never been happier.

This is NOT your imagination...

This really IS the blog that never really goes away. =) So I'm going to try this whole blogging thing one more time..only this time I think I'll actually keep up with it. It's been so long since I've blogged, that most of the people who left comments on this page, no longer exist. I've lost track of them all.

I'm not going to bother going into detail about all that's changed since I've last posted..that post was dramatic enough. But I will fill you in on some quick things:
*I'm still a chocolate loving porker.
*I still love ginger ale.
*I still love pink.
*I'm currently and probably will always be unhealthily addicted to Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift.
*I have the most amazing niece ever.

Anyway, moving right along into why I'm here-
Recently my crafting mojo has been back in full force. Probably has something to do with this awesome little craft cave I have going on. Well, I say little craft cave, but it's actually like an orgasmic getaway. The only thing missing is a bathroom..but that's close enough that it's not TOO much of an issue. So my thoughts are at least every 2-3 days, I'm going to post the latest project I'm working on..or a sneak peek anyway. I'm hoping by keeping up with this blog, my motivation will continue through the upcomming holiday season. I have lots to accomplish by then =)

But for now, it's almost midnight, and I'm on a never ending work schedule..so I shall leave you with a sneak peek of two of my most current projects:

Pretty flannel fabric going through my awesome AccuQuilt GO! machine. (Check back later this week for my review/opinions on this machine.)

I spy crappily sewn circles on squares =)

This isn't a picture of a project I'm working on, obviously. It's just a picture of my niece because she's absolutely the coolest thing since Nutella on sliced bread.

Let's try this..one. more. time.

So. it's like 5 months since I've last posted on this here blog...and lots is new. This is probably going to be a bittersweet post, so stick with me!

When I last wrote..I had just moved in with Gary (my boyfriend of 3 years) and had a cute craft room, had just started my new job at the Health Center, after leaving my comfy cozy job at the doctors office after 4.5 years.

Fast forward to about 2 months ago..
In January, I got laid off. Totally unexpected..state budget cuts..low man on the totem pole, you know the drill.

Then in April, I had been cleaning the bathroom, and came across a pile of cleaning rags that were usually kept underneath the kitchen sink..stashed in the bottom of the cubby hole in our bathroom. I thought that was odd, but I've been known to do crazy stuff, without thinking..so I went ahead and started pulling them out..figuring I'd wash them and put them where they belong.
Until a camera fell out.
Without going into too much completely humiliating detail-Gary had been taping our bathroom for months. And when I say taping our bathroom..I mean the toilet. It was a tiny little hidden camera that he had rigged up directly across from the toilet..and when I took it out and watched the tape that was in it..it was him, every day, religiously setting it up, taking it down, etc. He put it up before work, took it down after work. Ugh.
So I started to flip out. Like, flip shit. Like, total what-the-fuck-are-you-thinking type flip out. I decided I wasn't going to tell him I found it..I was just going to confront him after work.
I continued to clean, only this time with more force than necessary as my Irish temper was aflare.
Fast forward 2 hours.
vacuuming with our huge ghetto vacuum, and the head of it slams into the dresser in the bedroom. *insert noise of things falling here*
I look down under the dresser to see what fell..and that's when I saw them.
Tapes.
Lots of them.
And 2 camera batteries.
Duct taped to the bottom corners of the dresser. Apparently..I disrupted his stash, sending them all to the floor. I sat on the bed, playing 1 tape at a time, as I watched days turn into weeks, turn into months, turn into over a year, of Gary taping our apartment..and even his old apartment where I used to stay when we first met. There was a tape of his best friends bathroom, who lives in Rhode Island. It was all so overwhelming. I can honestly say I've never felt such shock, disgust, and pain like that. But the worst pain was when I put a tape in..and saw our bedroom. And I saw woman, after woman, after woman, in my bed, WHERE I SLEPT, with Gary. Those sex tapes would have made Paris Hilton blush. There had to have been 20+ women. Now..my question is...as a woman..I wonder what you think when you lay in a bed, with PINK SHEETS, and get ready to get your groove on, with a dude who has a picture of him and some chick all over the bedroom. Seriously? Ugh.

Anyway. I wont go into any more detail on that. Wicked long story-as short as I can make it- I gathered up all the tapes, and the camera, etc..and went to work. I was a total trooper. I came to work here at the store, put on my happy face, and had 6 long hours to think about what I was going to do. I went to the state police after work that day.
I actually CANT tell the details of what happened there..but I can tell you he was arrested.
When the police came to the apartment with me after they arrested him, I signed a search warrant, and wanted to find more tapes. Upon entering the apartment..he had torn the bathroom to crap..as I assumed he found I moved the camera...and there was a loaded AK47 on the table.
On the bed there was a loaded AR19.
He was also charged with 3 counts of possesion of illegal assault weapons. Later that night "Off the record" he did admit to someone that he was very angry, and was going to hurt me when I got home.

Most of you will recall Gary was an avid hunter, and a has a long string of butt-sucking crazies in his family.
Insert restraining order here.
Insert end of hunting career here.

As of June 2009, he is never allowed to own another gun of any kind. ever.

Needless to say I moved back home with the family. This came as a huge shock to everyone, and I'm pretty much kept under lock and key now. Most days I go to work with a collar and leash. There was an article in the paper. That sucked. It was online too. That sucked more. This whole ordeal has been very hard for me, for obvious reasons. I've done really well holding it all together. I gotta tell ya though...I'm still not sure how one picks up the pieces of their ENTIRE life..and moves forward after something like this.

But I have. This took place about 2 months ago..I've dealt. I've mourned. and I've moved on. I lost my scrapbook room at the apartment when I moved, which SUCKS..but I've got a folding table and a little corner in my bedroom with the parentals that works for now. I have certainly learned who my real friends are throughout all this as well...and if you're reading this..you're one of them..and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's been a long, hard road...but I'm getting there.

Wednesday is court. He gets sentenced at 9am. I have to be there. I fear seeing him. I fear facing his family. I fear having to speak to the judge infront of them, and telling my story for the 800th time. I fear them wanting to "show evidence" and having to see all those woman. Having to see myself. (Let me tell you, sitting on the toilet? NOT MY BEST ANGLE!) But..I will just pray, and keep faith, and stay strong, and get on through it.


So. That's that. Hopefully now I can get my life on track..and this will become more regular.
The blog, that is.
Not the drama.

I've never had breast cancer.

But I'm sure my time is coming. My grandmother (both maternal, and paternal) had breast cancer. My mother has had two lumpectomies, and they are watching her closely. My friend, and attendee of honor, Cindy has had breast cancer. She was just diagnosed in January, and had a total mastectomy in March. She now lives with the scars all over her chest of the 3rd degree burns from the radiation. In fact, look around you. 1 in 8 women, will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Did you know that EVERY YEAR, more than a million women are diagnosed with breast cancer?

When someone you know is diagnosed with breast cancer, what do you do? Buy them a gift, send them a card? Say I'm sorry? Saying I'm sorry just wasn't enough for me. I saw the pain on her face, on her families face, on her 14 year old daughters face. That's when I realized that saying I'm sorry just doesn't fix anything. Insert November 1, 2008.

I rallied up about 20 women, lots of chocolate, some great food, and rented a fire hall. And we cropped :)
The guys at the Taftville Fire House were awesome. They agreed that we needed to "Save second base" and they forked over that Fire hall faster than we could blink, and waived the fee. We did give them a pretty sweet donation for letting us use it, though.

So Aimee and I aren't really pros at the whole interior design thing, but I think we did a fairly good job. We hung some crate paper, and blew up some balloons. Okay, let's be honest. The boys blew up the balloons. My Gary, and her Jake were awesome. We took them out for sushi after the crop was over to say thank you. Those boys worked hard. In fact, there wouldn't have been any food if not for them. They drove about a total of 2 hours to bring food and drinks and double sided tape (what's a girl to do when she runs out of adhesive?). And they blew up about 25 balloons, and tied pink ribbon to them. Those guys rock ;)

All in all it was a great day. We raised a pretty great chunk of change, with the fee to get in, donations, and raffles. We even raffled off a brand new QK squeeze :)

Anywho, thank you a TON to Gary and Jake, you guys are awesome, and we're blessed to have you in our lives. We love you. Thank you to Aimee, who was right there with me through the whole thing, I couldn't have done it without you ;) And thank you to all the attendants, all the scrappers, the stampers, the donations, etc. Thank you to Robin, Moments in Time owner, who is amazing, and donated just about every raffle prize we had. You're an amazing woman, and I totally beleive in Karma.
And, of course, my friend Erin. Who drove ALL THE WAY FROM MAINE!!! to be at the crop. You'll never know how much it meant to me to see you there. You're such an awesome person, with a heart of gold. There is no doubt in my mind you'll succeed at your school. I'm sorry it didn't last longer, and everyone left kind of early, and the fire boys were antsy. I wish we could have cropped all night.

Working hard for Robin!

So my latest project for the LSS is to do blank baby girl layouts. I got three done this weekend...I know, not too impressive, but I had a lot going on. I took some quick pics of them..please disregard my stove which is from 1930. And the fact that I'm working out of bags, as I'm in the middle of moving, and my Prima storage-is the microwave.

I'm also still lovin' on my kit from ScrapCity. You girls just KNOW my style! Two cards I did for the girls at work.

I've been hangin' in the Scrap City!

So there's this kick-butt message board called TheScrapCity.com, and it's become my new home away from home. This past weekend there was an online crop, and I was busy! Here's some snapshots of some of the challenges I completed.

Challenge #2 was to use the ScrapCity kit I got in the mail to make 4 cards. I'd like to thank Wendy & Jen for that kit-it was AWESOME. SO many goodies in a pretty little box!

The kit that came in the mail:

And here are my 4 cards:

Challenge #3 was to use the sketch that Wendy posted to make a layout. I decided to use pictures of my friend Chelsea and I from over the years. When I first saw Wendy's sketch I thought it would be a great way to make some sort of timeline-therefore I chose the title "Then & Now". The first picture is us on our High School graduation. The middle is of us a couple years later in my aunt's pool at like, midnight! The last picture is us a couple months ago. I love that girl!

Challenge #10 was to use a Black & White photo on a layout. I took it one step farther, and wanted to make the WHOLE layout B&W...but..I had to use a little red, too! Again, Chelsea & I. And I really don't like the way it turned out. I wish I hadn't already used glue dots to put down the thickers crooked...I liked them at first...now I wish I could move them :(

Happy 4th!

Hey y'all! I've been really busy lately with changing jobs, my tonsil issues, etc...but all is falling into place, and I'm back to scrappin! Here's a quick little Blackboard album I did with all the 4th of July pictures. The 4th of July is totally my favorite holiday ever, always has been, but I've never actually scrapped it before. So I challenged myself-and this is the result. My other challenge was doodling. I've never, ever, ever had the guts to actually take a marker to a scrapbook project, but I did it-and again, this is the result. The pictures are a little out of order due to a photobucket malfunction, but, you get the idea! Thanks for looking!!

Designing for the LSS

Has been quite fun! I'm so blessed to have been given the opportunity to design for a local store here. The owner has given me such yummy products to use, it's really made me step out of my comfort zone and try new things. I've become quite proud of the things I've tried recently!! This is a BoBunny word book (PARTY) that I covered in the new Nana's Nursery pp, and using Bazzill bling cardstock. My idea behind this book was to make it for a Baby boy shower. I used my cricut to cut out "you're invited" and "it's a boy" and used lots of Queen & Co Felt shapes-LOVE those things!
Thanks for looking!!

If any of you are ever in CT, the store is called Moments in Time and it's located in Taftville. Here's the website-check her out!
http://www.momentsintimescrapbooks.net/

I finally did it!!

I made my very first acrylic album. I was so scared to get it started, afraid I'd mess up and wouldn't be able to fix it. However, I'm *totally* addicted to Clear Scraps albums now! I can't wait to experiment with all their wonderful acrylic products.I used the entire BerrySweet collection by K&Company, and random photos of my niece.